All This I Must Not Forget.

I feel lonely tonight, and I wish you were here.
I spent the last three nights with you, but you were distracted. It wasn't your fault; you needed to work, and I'm glad you did. I just want your company.


I look at you sometimes and wonder how I came to be so lucky to have you.
You ask me what I am thinking and I reply, "I love you," but it is so much more than that.
I am grateful for the way you interlock your fingers with mine, and the feeling of the harder patch of skin in the middle of your palm under my fingertips, for the softness of your voice and for your tenderness.
For the way you kiss me, and all the times you hold me.
For laughing at my ridiculousness instead of finding me embarrassing. 
For not ever shouting, for dispelling my worries, and for meeting any problems I have gently, and with reason.
For your intelligence, your thoughtfulness, your honesty, your brilliance, your humour, your calmness, and your ability to talk about anything.


I am not under the illusion that you are perfect. No one is perfect, but you are close to it. 
And no, I am not stuck in some little romantic fantasy in my head, seeing everything tinted with the rosy haze of love. I have loved people who are far, far from perfect. I am perfectly capable of distinguishing between good and bad. That is why I am so amazed to have you. 


Every moment with you I feel the need to capture, to preserve in my memory, to never forget. I need to remember, for always, that this is how it should be. Having it drilled into my head that I'm a bad person and deserve to be treated as such has had its effect. I have to keep reminding myself that going from such bad treatment to the opposite end of the scale IS something I deserve, and I should not feel otherwise.

Our feet always touching before we sleep if we are faced away from each other in bed.
Your lips on my cheek, my forehead, my nose, and my lips.
Your fingertips brushing my face.
Your fingers running through my hair.
The smell of your skin.
The warmth of our bodies entangled together under the covers.
Your smile.
The smoothness of your skin.
The way your eyes show emotion.
The feeling of you inside me, how you can be no closer.
Your look of concern.
The way you grasp me when you are sad.
Your voice and how it instantly calms me.
Your laugh.
Your sincerity.
The way you walk.
The sound of you beat-boxing.

The way you bite your lip.
Your skin against mine.


All these memories that I must retain.